My eyes finally opened, while my ears were ringing from a beeping sound. I looked around, took a head count. Mom, Dad, Matt...."Where's Jonathan?" I asked. A series of blank expressions were followed by outbursts of tears. I didn't have to be told.
Days later, the family lined up. I looked around, only to witness a sea of black. My tiny rubber boots were getting stuck in the wet ground. My knees chattered together in the brisk March air. I couldn't decide if it was from the cold or my pounding heart. I remember the trees swaying so violently for hours, but suddenly coming to a calm. It was like nature knew. The sun peeked from behind the big rain clouds, as a ray sliced across my cheek.
Strange men carried him over. The crank lowered him. Then he was covered. It all happened so fast. The pink granite stone was barely visible through all of the pictures, cards, and stuffed animals.
I felt a tug on my arm, gesturing me to move my cemented feet. I looked up to see the soft looks on my parents face. I hesitantly moved foward, towards what now looked like a mountain of dirt. The surrounding grass was drowning in shades of purple, yellow, pink, and red. Beautiful lilacs and daffodils couldn't make up for the sadness that lingered in the air. There was so much hanging down upon me, it was almost hard to catch my breath.
I look back on that day, and all of the days that followed. The journey to his casket, and the journey through my entire life without him was not something I ever imagined I would have to go through. I don't think any of us were ready for the journey that lied ahead of us on that cool morning. He wasn't just a brother, he was my best friend.
I often wonder how the path of my life would have changed if he was around today. Would I have made the same decisions? Would I be the same Kristen?
As I walked away that day, a breeze rushed in and dried the tears on my cheeks. I knew it was him.
Kristen -
ReplyDeleteYou write with such amazing description that I felt myself getting really upset while I was reading this. It was almost as if I could visualize the entire thing happening. And I definitely think that the last sentence was a perfect way to end the entry. As for the aesthetics of your blog, I really love the colors, the picture, and the quote. Everything looks really nice and put together, so I think your blog is great so far.